Father Time is undefeated, and nothing can make you feel quite as aged as watching the sports idols of your youth fall unceremoniously back to Earth.
Now, without further ado, here is 38-year-old Vince Carter — who was, not all that long ago, the NBA’s most majestic high flier — bricking a fast-break dunk.
The play comes from Tuesday night’s NBA preseason game between Carter’s Memphis Grizzlies and the Houston Rockets. Here it is in Vine form:
As the Romanian philosopher Emile Cioran once said, “Since all life is futility, then the decision to exist must be the most irrational of all.”
1. Golf Cart Fail
This runaway vehicle wreaked minor on-field havoc following a high school football championship in Texas last December. But a heroic bystander hopped aboard and put on the brakes.
No casualties occurred, and the clip immediately became Internet legend.
2. Penalty Kick Fail
Watch out for the ricochet, goalie! This kid gets it in the right in the chops.
3. Mascot on Rollerblades Fail
What happens when you put an inflatable dinosaur on rollerblades and ask it to skate down a flight of stairs? Amazingness, that’s what.
4. Flopping Fail
In sports, to “flop” is to exaggerate the force of contact in hopes of drawing a favorable call from officials. But you’ve got to time it much, much better than this guy does.
5. Hockey Celebration Fail
Apparently, if you hug a member of the opposite team after scoring a goal in hockey, you will get punched in the face.
6. Innocent Bystander Fail
This kid is just in the wrong place at the wrong time…to the benefit of the rest of us.
7. Representing Your School Fail
College football mascots are supposed to represent their schools in a fun, positive light — which doesn’t typically include picking fights. Here, the University of Oregon’s duck slams the University of Houston’s cougar.
Bonus points for the sick elbow drop, though.
8. Weightlifting Fail
Not saying we could successfully lift 432 pounds above our heads, but dang, that looks painful.
German weightlifter Matthias Steiner dropped this massive barbell on his neck during the London Olympics this summer, but escaped serious injury.
9. Trampoline Dunk Fail
Sometimes, when you fail, you actually win.
10. Hurdling Fail
Why jump over hurdles when you could just RUN STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM?
File under: Never, Ever Gets Old.
11. Paying Attention Fail
After what could best be described as an “optimistic” shot attempt in a game last season, NBA center JaVale McGee showed some nice hustle getting back on defense. Only problem? His team still had the ball.
12. Judgment Fail
But that wasn’t McGee’s only legendary moment. Here, he shows why it’s not a good idea to try dunking from the free throw line mid-game.
13. Olympic Promo Fail
For some reason, London’s Olympic promotions this summer involved hanging Mayor Boris Johnson on a zipline while waving a pair of tiny flags.
Then he got stuck halfway through and it was pretty much the best, funniest, awkwardest thing that could have happened.
14. Grand Slam Celebration Fail
Major Leaguer Kendry Morales broke his lower left leg while celebrating a game-winning grand slam in 2010. This edited video provides the before, during and after rundown.
15. Slam Dunk Fail
See? White guys can jump? It’s just the landing that’s the hard part.
16. High Dive Fail
The announcer here sums it up perfectly. She calls this attempt from the 1992 Olympics “an absolute failed dive.”
17. Piggyback Ride Fail
What begins as an innocent enough piggyback ride atop a fuzzy mascot turns into a pretty epic collision — and YouTube gold.
18. Long Jump Fail
Dude! If you’re gonna pump up the crowd like that, you can’t just faceplant into the sand.
19. Touchdown Celebration Fail
When you think about it, is there any better way to celebrate a touchdown than by pegging an unsuspecting spectator in the face? Bonus points for originality, at least.
20. Pro Golfer Fail
You’d think a professional golfer could put the ball in the hole with less than 16 strokes. Kevin Na — and the rest of the world — found out otherwise on this par-four hole at the 2011 Valero Texas Open.
21. Head-First Slide Fail
Well, that’s one way of doing it…right?
22. Time Management Fail
Tie game, clock winding down — it’s always better to get one last attempt up than just let the game go into overtime. A full court desperation heave with a 11 seconds to go is never the way to do it, however.
This classic gaffe by the University of Connecticut’s Roscoe Smith came during a matchup of top teams in 2011.
23. Boogie Boarding Fail
Its veracity may be suspect, but this 2008 YouTube classic has more than 12.7 million views, despite a mind-numbing soundtrack.
24. Sportsmanship Fail
The summer of 2011 was a tough time for NBA star LeBron James. It was full of lingering ill-will for his decision to the leave the Cleveland Cavaliers and snarky schadenfreude over his initial failure to win a championship with the Miami Heat.
So it makes perfect sense that he’d let off some steam by viciously dunking on a tiny kid at summer camp, right? That’s what happens at the 0:43 mark of this video.
25. Standing on a Basketball Hoop Fail
We’re not quite sure why this mascot thought standing on top of a basketball rim was a good idea.
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